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Ask Questions - Listen to answers

"My advice to others is: ask questions and pay attention to the answers." So says N.M.L. (Georgiana, AL) whose success story is printed below. Here is a previously printed article which suggests what questions might be helpful to ask a prospective marriage partner.

Marriage should not be a situation you go into with a sack over your head. Plenty of people marry someone when they haven't the slightest idea what that person is really like, what kind of habits he or she has, or what kind of goals the person intends to pursue in life.


Here are some subject areas that every couple entering a serious relationship needs to discuss. Bring them up before you make wedding plans because the results of this discussion may cause you to change your mind.

Money and sex


Money and sex are two of the touchiest subjects in any marriage. Don't assume anything beforehand. Talk about money, who will earn it, what kind of checking and/or savings accounts you will have, who will have access to these accounts, what will happen to those assets or those debts that each person brings into the marriage.


If you're old enough to marry, you're old enough to talk about sex with your prospective partner. Even if you're embarrassed, go ahead and ask what you want to know anyway particularly about what your partner will expect in a sexual relationship. Better to be embarrassed now than surprised later. There's also the question of AIDS that must be discussed, particularly if either partner is in any way at risk.

 

What about children?


What about children? Will you have some of your own? How many? Will your partner expect his or her children from a previous marriage to come into your home? Who will administer discipline and what kind?
Who will be in charge of cleaning the house? Cooking meals? Taking care of household chores such as laundry? Will these be shared tasks or will the wife be expected to handle everything at home?
What about church? Will the couple attend church together? Which church? Every service or Sunday morning only? If the husband and wife go to different churches, which church will the children go to?

What about holidays?


What about holidays? What are the family traditions in your partner's family? Will you go to one certain place every Christmas or will you alternate between your family and your partner's family?


What about personal habits? Does your partner have an occasional drink or smoke an occasional cigaret? Does your partner maintain your standards of personal cleanliness and appearance when not in a dating situation?
How will each partner spend his or her free time? Will a certain amount of personal freedom be allowed or is each expected to "be with" the other during every spare moment?


Will you have friends over? If so, which ones, yours or his? Will the wife be expected to entertain the husband's business associates, family, card playing buddies? Will the husband be expected to help entertain the wife's business associates, church friends, relatives?


How much contact will there be with former spouses and how will that contact be handled? Is your future spouse a jealous person?


What does the partner like to do in his or her spare time? Are there activities that you will do together as a couple? Playing golf? Hiking? Fishing? Watching TV sports?

 

What about politics?


What about politics? Can you tolerate the other person's views or will they be a source of contention?


Will elderly parents be brought into your home to be cared for if necessary?
Now that I've got you started thinking, make up your own list of areas to discuss. Ask yourself, "Do I really know how _________ feels about this subject?"


You know already what is important to you and how you will want to live your life. Discuss those things with your prospective partner and find out what you need to know now so you won't be surprised later. You might save yourself a major mistake.

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