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Get free by changing what you think One of the great miseries of life is to be hooked emotionally to someone who causes you nothing but heartache and disappointment. For some that may be a former spouse. It may be some person with an addiction whom you have tried to help. It may be a member of your family. It may be someone you've considered marrying. That emotional hook can become a mental and emotional obsession where that person consumes your thoughts and draws you further and further into misery and depression. It becomes a kind of soulish disease that modern therapists call "co-dependency." As a born again Christian, recognize that Jesus Christ came not only to set you free from sin and sickness, but from anything that would steal your peace and your contentment. An emotional hook is a stronghold that you build in your mind through imaginings. One of the first things you must do to get off that hook is to recognize that it is wrong and that it is in fact idolatry because you are giving first place in your thoughts and your life to something other than God - regardless of how good your intentions were to begin with. God requires that you put Him first, and anything else is sin. To get off of an emotional hook, you must recognize its existence and you must want to be free. You must repent and ask God to forgive you and to help you get free. And mean it. When you've repented, you're going to have to resist that mental drawing. You will be continually tempted to think those old thoughts, but you must resist them. Learn to use the Word of God to fight that temptation. Instead of thinking the old thoughts, quote the Word and say, "Jesus is Lord over my thoughts and my feelings." Memorize II Cor. 10:4 and quote it hundreds of times a day if you have to. Yes, it takes work and energy, but do you want peace and freedom or not? A final step is to avoid making yourself vulnerable to that person again. Remove yourself physically if you can. Be honest. Just say, "This relationship is not good for me. It's hurting me, not helping me." Don't ever marry someone who causes you emotional distress or depression. Things will only get worse, not better. If you cannot distance yourself physically from the person, you must learn how to distance yourself emotionally. This doesn't mean that you stop caring about that person. It means that you learn a technique called detachment where you can deal with that person compassionately but without losing your emotional control. Talking with a mature Christian who understands the nature of addiction and recovery may help you to see the situation more clearly and take the action you need to take. Amazingly some people repeat the same relationshp patterns over and over again. Getting out of one addictive relationship into another. You may need help to see what you are doing and how to stop. Al-Anon and other 12-step programs will give you the tools you need to cope and to begin to get free and stay free. An excellent booklet on detachment is available from the Johnson Institute, 10700 Olson Memorial Highway, Minneapolis, MN 55441. Copyright © 2000 by Sandra S. Turner   Send Comments Return to HOME