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Before God, I can honestly say that I went the extra mile and did everything I could to make a happy home. When things became difficult, I prayed for him and stayed with him until he decided he had messed up my life long enough and filed for divorce.
Concerning my earlier statement about unmarried people, I have to wonder if there isn't some reason why they haven't found anyone and settled down. I've known some men who were single in their forties who had some really strange ideas about women and marital relations. Sometimes their mothers or fathers gave them erroneous opinions that made them unfit companions. So, anyone can be a risk. You just have to ask the Lord for direction. Don't rule anyone out unless He does. N.H. - LA
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Dear Editor:
I read CL's comments on divorced men (and I will also include divorced women) with much interest! Marriage/divorce remains a very difficult subject for most people. After more that 50 years of careful observation plus personal experiences I would like to offer my thoughts.
Marriage remains one of the most serious decisions anyone will ever make in life just behind the Christian decision. Divorce is even more serious if the marriage was performed under Christian sanction. Contrary to what some may believe, scripture does have instances of divorce for reasons other than sexual infidelity.
On the other hand, remarriage for such individuals may/may not be successful. God provides the final answer for those who are so involved. Human opinions are very insignificant in such instances where God answers a person directly within his/her life. Amen.
D.G. - GA
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To: S/S Spirit and Life
There is no way I can sit by and let C.L. portray me as a worthless charlatan and I have two divorces. I will settle with God for my life when the time comes as will everyone else. If I am judged unworthy I doubt if it will be for my divorces.
I would agree that a person with one, two, or three divorces who doesn't admit that he/she was part (large or medium) of the problem is probably a poor risk for the future. But a person who has made mistakes and has figured out how to reduce those problems in the next marriage or before the next marriage may be a very good risk. A prospective mate should explore the ability of a divorcee to recognize and modify past mistakes just as a prospective mate should explore the same attitudes with a non divorced person.
Your correspondent wrote as if all the problems were men which would say I'm in no way interested in her since she has her blinders on.
Over 30 years ago I developed and documented a listener readiness rating system when I was selling computers. I think the categories apply here. With your indulgence I will modify my system to the present subject.
Category 1 - Person doesn't think they have any problems. - Run as fast as you can.
Category 2 - Person who thinks there is a panacea answer. - Don't try to tell them anything else, they won't hear you.
Category 3 - Person who is willing to explore the situation and see if there is a compatible future or not. - Treasure them and be honest so you can find a mate or go explore elsewhere.
M.B. - IA
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Dear Editor:
I would like to reply to CL of TN on "Divorced people are a bad risk!"
First of all, there are good and bad in all facets of life. ... Each circumstance is individual. We cannot lump them all together like a bushel of apples. My first marriage ended because he beat me and I almost lost an eye.
My second marriage ended because he had an uncontrollable appetite for sex. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe CL needs to take a look at the type of men she attracts to herself! Only she can change that. Maybe she is looking for love in the wrong places or for the wrong reason. or maybe she is not patient enough. All good things take time.
I have faith that my Mr. Right is out there somewhere. And while I am learning my life lessons, maybe it is taking just as long for us to find each other because we both have lessons to learn before we can be ready. I know I am never done learning as long as God gives me another new day. So to CL of TN I say:
Each new beginning is some other beginning's end. It is God's will and not ours.
I admit that with my two marriages I married for the wrong reasons or in too quick of a time. And I paid the price dearly both times. I will not make that mistake again. I will do things when God says when and how. Maybe next time - next month the men will be under 60 and over 40! I would like that myself.
And maybe her "Mr. Right" is busy closing doors so that he can open new ones! We all have to keep in mind no one is perfect; maybe she wants the perfect person - there is none. Only God. M.E. - NY
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Dear Editor:
I wish to respond to your article on the front of your magazine where someone states that "Divorced people are bad risk."
Let me first introduce myself and my credentials. My name is D.V. I am a 60 year old minister and current pastor of a church. I received my Master of Theology degree from Indiana Bible College, Seymour, Indiana. I earned my Doctor of Theology and Ph.D. degree in religion from Cypress Bible College, Garden Valley, Texas.
I take issue with the statement that divorced people are a bad risk. This is a broad statement made by someone who has not done their homework. They also make the statement that "remarriage after divorce is adultery."
I believe there are a lot of good moral Christians out there who have been divorced for various reasons, and are free to remarry. Let me also state that I am against divorce. If this sounds like double talk, please let me explain.
I believe there is such a thing as "the innocent party in a divorce situation." I was married to a Christian lady for several years, who has lately given up Christianity, filed for divorce against my wishes and belief, and has remarried. Where does this leave me? Does this make me and others like me in this situation a bad risk? God hates divorce, but, made certain provisions for remarriage to those who were the innocent party.
Let us look at the passage of Scripture in Matthew chapter 19:4 - 12. Before we attempt to pass judgement on anyone using these Scriptures, let us properly divide the Word.
First of all Christ was still under the Law dispensation, or shall I say the last days of the Law dispensation. The Grace dispensation did not come in until after the death of Christ on the cross. In these passages of Scripture the Pharisees came unto Jesus (under the Law) attempting to trap Jesus on grounds for divorce and marriage. Jesus said in verse number nine "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commiteth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doeth commit adultery."
We see that Jesus gave condition under the Law that a person could divorce his wife and marry another if she committed fornication. But, to put away your wife without her committing fornication and marrying another, they commit adultery. Jesus also stated that whosoever married the woman that was put away for committing fornication, committed adultery with her.
Again, Jesus was giving this response to the Pharisees who were asking him about the command of Moses. I do not find in the entire Bible where Jesus repeated this saying in the Grace dispensation.
The Apostle Paul shed light also on this subject in writing to the Gentile church in Corinth. Now, Paul is writing to the Christians in the Grace dispensation. In I Corinthians chapter 7 verse 10 Paul says, "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband, But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."
Paul was instructing the Christian wife not to depart from her husband, but if she departed, to remain unmarried, or be reconciled again unto her husband. Obviously, if the Christian wife departed from her husband, filed for divorced, and remarried, she commits adultery against her husband. This leaves the husband as the innocent party in this situation, and I do not see where he is condemned if he chooses to remarry.
Since there is no male or female in the body of Christ, we are as one, (Galations 3:28) then this scripture would also apply to the male in leaving his wife. To me, if either party leaves the marriage, they become an unbeliever, and a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases (verse 15), especially after the leaving party remarries.
Does the one who is left in this case (a Christian), become a bad risk? If this innocent party remarried, are they committing adultery? No, the one who did the leaving has already done that.
God divorced Israel and took a Gentile bride, the Church. Israel committed spiritual fornication against God. Is God held as a bad person in taking a Gentile bride? Did he not have a right to do so? Was God a bad risk?
I do not agree with those who advocate divorce and remarriage at will. I also do not think a divorced person is a bad person, even in a remarriage relationship. I do believe that God will judge adulterers and all fornicators.
I commend your paper as a channel in bringing Christian couples together who otherwise would not have an opportunity to meet. To say that every divorced person is a bad risk does not have Biblical support.
D.V. - TX
From Singles Scene/Spirit & Life, P.O. Box 310, Allardt, TN 38504